In thinking about this year, it has really been a formative turning point in my life. As I look forward to 2013, I wanted to take a look back at all I've made it through in 2012 to get here.
This year I...
- lived with 13 crazy strangers in a tiny house in DC, yet felt so alone the whole time
- had to get used to going out and doing things on my own there
- felt anger towards how I was treated by roommates, teachers, and advisers in DC
- felt like I didn't have a voice to do anything about it
- felt homesick from being away from my family, friends, and boyfriend for so long
- was depressed and doubtful of my future after 4 months of job searching without success
- was scared of what graduating and being independent meant
- realized I'd gained weight and my clothes weren't fitting right; felt insecure about my body
- made myself never miss a day at the gym and count my calories
- made myself go through and organize almost everything in my room/that I own with my free, jobless time
- was disappointed that I'd have to be an intern, yet again
- stressed about adjusting to two new work environments at the same time
- put so much pressure on myself to do an amazing job so I'd get hired full time
It has been a year for growth and for getting my life in order. After all the craziness and struggle that has been this year, I'm finally starting to feel like I'm in a really good place. I'm getting to where I envisioned myself to be as I am half-way to turning 22.
I have a steady job that I really love in the city that I love and where my family is, I could not be happier or more supported in my relationship, and I am starting to feel confident in my body for the first time ever after getting into shape and losing a few pounds.
I'm sure there will be many more challenges ahead in 2013, but right now I am celebrating all the progress I've made. Thanks to all of you who had my back, listened, and supported me through it all.
Showing posts with label about me. Show all posts
Showing posts with label about me. Show all posts
Friday, December 21, 2012
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Diary of a "Quiet" Girl
"Wow, you're as quiet as a mouse!" "I bet she's sitting there thinking we're crazy!" "Don't be afraid to speak your mind, it's okay!" "Really, we're just joking around...come on!" "You haven't said a word yet!"
I get these a lot...almost everyday. I've always described myself as introverted, but I think people overuse and misuse the term. Let me explain. I enjoy public speaking and hanging out with people, and I'm not really that shy. I just prefer to have a good bit of alone time. I like to think. And yes, sometimes I get weary if I'm around other people for too long, because I feel I have to kind of be "on" to interact appropriately.
I don't talk unless I have something to say. I don't talk just to talk or to fill the silence. I don't need be the joker in the group or the center of attention. Some people interpret this as being serious, nervous, awkward, stuck up, scared, or upset, but that's not the case at all. When I do say things more off the cuff or just blurt out what I'm thinking, it usually doesn't come out the way I want. I've learned to make my words count so people will listen.
Especially in professional settings, I tend to clam up and be careful of what I say. I want to be taken seriously, and I feel that is an even higher mountain to climb as a new grad. People view you as a kid, and I even graduated a year early so I'm really young. I feel I have a lot to prove sometimes, and I have the highest expectations for myself.
I've actually gotten several pep talks from superiors at different jobs trying to tell me that "it's okay to be myself" and to "say whatever I'm thinking."
What I'd like to say to those people is...I am being myself! Myself is quiet.
And why isn't that okay? It's like no one believes quiet people exist anymore so they just keep prying and trying to get me to "open up." The extroverts are the only ones valued, because they are seen as more fun, humorous, and personable. If you aren't the life of the party, you're the weak link.
I'm fed up with it. I am thoughtful, respectful, hardworking, polite, and yes, quiet. Those traits should be valued and encouraged, not made fun of or ridiculed. I know who I am. Please let me be that person.
I get these a lot...almost everyday. I've always described myself as introverted, but I think people overuse and misuse the term. Let me explain. I enjoy public speaking and hanging out with people, and I'm not really that shy. I just prefer to have a good bit of alone time. I like to think. And yes, sometimes I get weary if I'm around other people for too long, because I feel I have to kind of be "on" to interact appropriately.
I don't talk unless I have something to say. I don't talk just to talk or to fill the silence. I don't need be the joker in the group or the center of attention. Some people interpret this as being serious, nervous, awkward, stuck up, scared, or upset, but that's not the case at all. When I do say things more off the cuff or just blurt out what I'm thinking, it usually doesn't come out the way I want. I've learned to make my words count so people will listen.
Especially in professional settings, I tend to clam up and be careful of what I say. I want to be taken seriously, and I feel that is an even higher mountain to climb as a new grad. People view you as a kid, and I even graduated a year early so I'm really young. I feel I have a lot to prove sometimes, and I have the highest expectations for myself.
I've actually gotten several pep talks from superiors at different jobs trying to tell me that "it's okay to be myself" and to "say whatever I'm thinking."
What I'd like to say to those people is...I am being myself! Myself is quiet.
And why isn't that okay? It's like no one believes quiet people exist anymore so they just keep prying and trying to get me to "open up." The extroverts are the only ones valued, because they are seen as more fun, humorous, and personable. If you aren't the life of the party, you're the weak link.
I'm fed up with it. I am thoughtful, respectful, hardworking, polite, and yes, quiet. Those traits should be valued and encouraged, not made fun of or ridiculed. I know who I am. Please let me be that person.
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